HipiLeaks was the last straw for a couple of my superiors who’ve been troubled for a while by my strange ways. I had to go even deeper Unda. Complete new costume and direction. I’m not saying which sex I am and I may never be able to surface again. It’s not so unusual, we lose over 3% of Unda’s to disapearance every year. Some may be dead but most just don’t come back.
I have to admit where I am is not too hard to take. Plush hippy house, deep in the jungle with a big patch of georgeous skunk. Organic vegie garden we can’t keep up with, views to kill for, and even a few kids to enjoy seeing I can never spend time with my own. We are way out of town so my favorite Cullen Street beat has been off the agenda for a while. Anyway I heard they were looking for me and there are a couple of moles that are hard to hide.
Mushroom soup, and I don’t mean the supermarket ones, are very popular in this hippy forest camp but I didn’t expect what would come to the surface. Choppers! Someone started a lawnmower way down in the valley but with goldtop hearing the trippers (I should say we trippers!) started thinking it was the big birds hunting their crop.
There was no talking them out of it. In no time the whole camp was gripped by paranoia and people fled into the scrub. I felt sick. The poor kids were totally traumatised. I’ve had chopper training and know the drill but to the uninitiated it could be terrifying. Turns out my new home is on the copper chopper map and they live in dread of the next raid. I should be able to get them taken off the map with my connections. It’s the least I can do.
And the HipiLeaks keep streaming in. Lucky my new friends have no idea about computers and leave me alone for hours at night.
Dec 2010: Social Order Unit to all Agencies. Fear is the key, without fear control of popular opinion is very difficult to manage. The more we associate terrorists with beards, robes and drugs the harder it will be for hippies and their thinking to find acceptance. Their anti-capitalism philosophy must be made to look stupid and painful as a priority. Their drug use must be targeted but never wiped out or the tidal wave of anger it keeps at bay could become an unmanageable flood.
Jan 2011: The words Lehman Bros must be deleted from all future Council correspondence. It will not be used as an excuse for poor roads or failed infrastructure. It will not be used again as an excuse for anything in fact. We understand losing so many millions is devastating but the unfortunate losses must be deleted from memory and never mentioned again.
Jan 2011: Top priority. No looting of furniture or white goods is allowed from Brisbane flood stacks. Everything must be trashed for health reasons. No exceptions.
I did answer the call to Brisbane for the floods, remaining completely Unda the entire time. Everyone was instructed to stop any looting at all from the mountains of mud covered household furniture. It was rumoured Harvey Norman helped to hire hundreds of security to stop any looting. Apparently to stimulate the economy.
An Indian family was arrested for collecting bicycles. The mud washed off them easily and most were still perfect. They had hundreds washed down stacked in the back of a truck when the authorities swooped. I managed to confiscate their truck and personally made sure those bikes got to India where a bicycle is a career.
I did get an amazing leather lounge and a carved giant electric shaking bed thrown from a West End brothel. Both were perfect after a hose down and they look amazing in the hippies paranoid mountain retreat even if the solar panels can’t handle the bed.