Extracts from the Journal of a Nimbin Undacuva falling apart as prohibition nears its final days.
Enough of being a dog. On all levels. Even Undacuvas need a holiday, if they can remember how to have one. The sniffing of Nimbin is over and the ruining of one perfectly good dog in the process. Expensive stuff.
There are so many dealers not allowed in Nimbin now and still the Boss can’t work out how come the business just aint drying up.
The trouble is, in this war against weed, his soldiers keep quitting or going on stress leave while the other side has a neverending supply of fresh faces feeding off the prohibition paypacket which is impossible for him to match. In the interim he told me to take a month off while new tactics were being decided.
All that time as an Unda in Nimbin has filled me with so much spiritual waffle you’d reckon the last thing I’d want is more, but it so happens I was in Sydney when the Dalai Lama was there. I was drawn along by an irresistable force that saw me spend hours dressing up as Anna, my blonde German backpacker with the thick piggytails. Hours in front of the mirror with the Yakfat hash in the pipe. I better explain.
You know I got hooked on weed doing the job and of course I needed some for the holiday, so I dug up the “antique Buddhas” from Nepal. Some of you will remember the shipment of Nepali charras that came into Oz a few years ago as little ancient temple Buddhas. About 10 cm high they looked like old metal covered in years of candle wax from the temples. In fact they were all solid hash, primo Nepali, coated in Yakfat. Not just coated, but rubbed and rubbed and rubbed until they shone like….ancient temple Buddhas.
Customs reliably missed the shipment and a few boxfulls made their way up to Nimbin. I was Unda made up as a dreadlocked vegetarian rasta at the time and we organized a bust just so we could get the stuff for ourselves. It was pure gold and I put six of the little fellas away for a rainy day. Buried ’em actually. There’s still three left and the bottom half of another as I write this in Sydney. But I digress, led astray by the Yakfat, more later.
The Dalai Lama was like a lamp who lit up the huge crowd I was lost in so easily. For sure I was the only cop in there. He was like living forgiveness and I was blown away. How to learn that. How to get released from the endless line of arseholes that run around in my head I want to eradicate. Just as I was wondering this he seemed to look at me. Then he raised three fingers.
- “Firstly,” he said, “we must look at the big picture. Don’t get depressed over a problem or tragedy, look at the wider perspective, the consequences. Change often brings good fortune.”
- “Second,” he says, “stop being self centred. Think more about others. Other brothers and sisters.” He was staring at me I swear. I blushed. I never blush. We are trained to never blush at Undaschool, with punishments I vowed to never disclose.
- “Third,” he says, “you must be realistic. You make a real effort to fix problems but when you cannot, accept. Worry just makes another problem.”
“Get real you say,” he repeats in his broken English then dissolves into raucous laughter yet again. He’d be right at home on ‘Binstreet.
I’d been hearing these words for years as part of my job spying on the hippies, but this guy was really real. Then how come so few walk this path and why do we prefer the wage-eating mortgage lock down compromise? I was bewildered, as I often am and why I was originally posted as an Unda in Nimbin.
The Dalai told us other stuff too. How he tried to be a vego but got so sick the doc ordered him to eat meat again. Me too. How he gets angry at the birds of prey hunting his pet birds he feeds.
And how his favorite food is Yakfat. He loves Yakfat. It’s the Holy Oil for the dudes from the top of the mountains who know reincarnation is for real. And here I was, off my rocker on the Yakfat hashish Budha.
Now I knew he was looking at me and I guess that’s why he also met with me after the show but I’m not quite ready to tell you about that yet. Maybe next time. He convinced me Karma is for real so I’m gonna quit the Unda work for sure. I just don’t know how to tell the Boss.
Streetbeat Undacuva: January 2010.